mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My breasts were aching with rage.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
