It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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