I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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