At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
