My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
