Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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