I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
