I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
