actually, I'm a sock model
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize