Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
