Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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