dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
