im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
