But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
