Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
