i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
