chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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