If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
