I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
this hospital has no fireball
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Randomize
