just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
