shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Sext me about skeletons
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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