I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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