Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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