She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
