I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
