Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Randomize
