I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
