I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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