made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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