i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
