we're blogging at a bar
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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