This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
