I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Can you bring me the toilet please
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
