1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
