i already hear my dad disowning me
I could make wine with my vomit
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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