Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
