We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
