I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
