I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I need a beard to bite.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
