my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It's never too late to be topless.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
