any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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