I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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