he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
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