if only i could text you this smell
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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