non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
