she sounds like chewbacca in bed
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
