I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
