Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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