i always forget guys have bellybuttons
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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