he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
