I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
