My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I AM VODKA MAN
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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