I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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