well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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