Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
