That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
