What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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