So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Randomize
