Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
