My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
3pm strippers are depressing
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
