we're blogging at a bar
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
