Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
