I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
