Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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