Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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