Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
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Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
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Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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