I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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