someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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