woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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