i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
