he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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