My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
