i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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