So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I am naked and annoyed.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I have post one night stand depression
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
