Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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