Having a random hookup so left but love u
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
