An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
