it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
