Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka?
Forever.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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