:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
