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I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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