I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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