You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
