our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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