Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm at about main and main street
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
