I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
