I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
